It is twelve past twenty six now of the night, to simplify it, it is just 12:30 am Thursday morning, and I am still awake, just trying to pacify my heart for the coming things just after this day. I can't make myself understand that I am getting married. Well it is not a thing that I never dreamed of doing or never thought of. I did think about it , but never knew that it will take place so soon and that I will have to get someone hitched up with me for the rest of my life. I couldnot find anyone to share what I am feeling within me, maybe because I am finding it hard put my trust on somebody or probably the confidential persons are not around. For me both are correct, because I could find none around whom I could confide my secrets, and also I could find none to put my trust on. Well I must just acknowledge that I just share the tit bits of my life with Jesus. But with the busy life that I am into , I am almost forgetting to do that everything. Well, I guess I am not forgetting it but feeling a bit reluctant to do it. I feel this reluctancy of my attitude is causing a lot of confusion and fears.
Well, let me get back to what I was just saying. I am getting married on Friday that is 12th of March, 2010. To most boys and girls who ever feel in the so called love , felt some or the other time of their relationship tenure that they should get married and have the permanency of their relationships. I donot know what excites them most into it. I donot even know how they can be so desirious for this day, that they called so special. As of my case, I am not excited even a bit, I donot know why. I donot know why people say that if you love a person , you would always love to be around. I donot even understand the whole complications of this love phenomenon.
Now that I am coming to very close to the day of getting that permanency of our relationship. I feel somewhat awkward. I feel like I am going to make a big mistake by getting married. I feel like I am on the way to slaughter my dreams, my personal freedom and everything which I called myself. I feel drstically bad that I have made the decisions to get married. I donot know why I feel this way. I wonder is it because I feel that my partner doesnot understand me or is it because we donot have a appreciative attitude for one another? Whatever it might be which I am not very clear now, I donot feel any willingness to get married. Well I hope that this feeling will change by tomorrow and that I feel delighted to do what I am doing.
I donot know what else to write not. I just wanted to speak my mind out to see if I feel any better. Hoping for a change and transformation tonight... or else I donot know what is going to happen.
Fully into a great... perplexity
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